Story 203: "Living with the Dreaming Body" by Punk M

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

After the considerable word count of our last fic, now seems like a good time to take a bit of a breather with a nice short read. This week's fic was recommended by lightlack. It takes place sometime not too long after the events of "Christmas Carol" and "Emily" when Mulder and Scully end up back in San Diego on a case. The fic is focused on Scully and how she is coping with recent developments, the turn her life has taken, what it all means for her, and where Mulder fits in amongst all the chaos and wreckage.


Living with the Dreaming Body by Punk Maneuverability


Send feedback, give us your recommendations, and please do come back for the discussion.

Comments

[dryadinthegrove]

Le sigh.

It's just so perfect and gorgeous.

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

Punk's work is always such fun.

[write-out.livejournal.com]

She knew the size of this man's heart, knew its scope and weight, knew
its dreams like she knew her own. He was her parity bit, her decoder
ring, the only language she understood anymore. His palm was warm
on her back and she imagined his touch glowed red against her skin like
a Kirlian rainbow in the shape of his hand.

Ah, what a wonderful little story. So emotional, yet restrained and not overly sentimental. It's been a while since I read this, but I love it as much now as I did the first time.

[islandofwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, this story. It's so poetic, the writing is so good. I'm new to the fandom and the group (I've just started season six actually. I'm reading fic between eps because the UST is killing me), but this is so good. I've read a couple of recs from here; you guys give me hope.

Anyway, I love the contrast of dreaming and awake, how they sort of bleed over. And this paragraph:

In this dream, Mulder touched her. She never remembered it while
awake, but at night, deep in the electricity of her subconscious, he laid
his hand between her breasts and told her he could feel her heart. She
wanted him to stay there forever, so that at least one of them could be
sure of her humanity. But then his hand slid lower, and she could finally
feel her heart beating and so broadened her idea of forever to include
this, to include everything.

And all of this bit:

Jack Yang never even knew her name, but she knew how much his
heart weighed. She knew the last thing he'd eaten, his final body weight
and length, the size and shape of the white scar on his knee, the exact
color of his lungs.

Just, lovely.

Grumpy Noromo Checking In (better late than never)

[wendelah1]

I always hate to be the odd fan out. I wanted to like this story more than I did. It feels off to me. I will try to explain.

I love Punk's writing. She uses language to shape graceful, flowing sentences, and there many passages in this story to quote as examples. The comments before this one covered some of them.

But I like some of her simpler stuff, too. In the opening paragraph, I like this description of Mulder:

He radiated his special brand of flat, nervous concern.

Which leads into this line:

"It's in San Diego," he said, quiet and careful.

Simple stuff but lovely. Just enough description, just the right words. Her Scully in this beginning section is just right, too.

Things start to go awry for me in the next section.

She'd known she couldn't have children even before Mulder had told her. Her periods were reluctant and unreliable, as if her body was unwilling to give up any more blood. She'd gone to the doctor, fearing worse things than infertility. She'd left fearing infertility.

Okay. So did she know she was unable to have children or did she fear it? Because those two states of being are not the same thing.

It made her wonder what else Mulder knew that she didn't. She was upset, but she understood.

It made her "wonder"? She was "upset"? She "understood"? Huh. Myself, I was outraged on her behalf and so I wanted a little more emotion from her about this deception. Scully is self-contained but when she is angry at you, she lets you have it. I think she should have been more pissed off at Mulder at some point in this story. Many writers have dealt with this conflict far more effectively.

No one wanted to tell a woman she would never be a mother.

For pity's sake, she lets him off the hook completely. Punk lets him off the hook. I don't believe this is how it would work out between them. As far as canon is concerned, she seemed pretty pissed off at him in the flashback in "Per Manum." This part doesn't work for me at all.

The structure is interesting, a little artsy but I'm okay with that. As islandofwords pointed out, Punk has these alternating sequences of Scully dreaming and Scully awake, the implication being that she's working out her romantic feelings toward Mulder in the dreams, which turns into romance in her waking life. Ho hum. I would been more interested in a story where she was working out her angry feelings toward Mulder in the dreams. That might have provided some conflict, some reason to doubt the inevitable capitulation to love and romance. As it is, it falls a little flat. For me.

This business she has of Scully waking up, not sure of where she is, not being sure what's a dream and what's really happening. No way. That's absurd. She knows where she is, she knows the difference between being awake and asleep. Yeah okay it represents the conflict between her unconscious desires and oh whatever. That's a metaphor taken too far. If she's really that disoriented, maybe she needs to take a leave of absence.

Since I am late to the party, everyone else has already quoted the stuff I would have quoted; my favorite was the bit about the decoder ring that write_out loved too.

I think this must be a season six or seven story, not season five, because she says at one point that "After seven years she was only beginning to understand Mulder." I feel the same way, oddly enough.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

I shall be chiming in on Wendelah's 'better late than never' claim - 1/2

I've always thought that Punk M's writing has a curious kind of neutrality about it. It's not pronouncedly emotional, nor is it pronouncedly intellectual, nor is it pronouncedly distinctive stylistically. It's not intensely angsty, humorous, shippy, or witty. It's a bit of everything, and that itself is what's distinctive about it, that evenness of tone and character. I like intensity in a fic, but I like this too; it's honest.

I also think that this fic captures Scully’s character (at this time in canon) very well. I’m always looking for examples of fics that get her POV particularly right, because I for me it’s a fairly uncommon occurrence. There are plenty of writers who write a Scully POV that’s passable, enjoyable, or even distinctly strong. But LWTDB characterizes her in a way that feels very accurate to me. It doesn’t seem to be trying to pull more out of her than what’s there, or emphasize specific traits which the author favors (which is something that almost everyone who writes fanfic does, I think, to one extent or another). My first impulse is to describe the tone of LWTDB (the tone of Scully’s experience) as being a bit blunted, but I don’t think that’s actually the case. The tone is perceptive and in that way it’s quite sharp, but it’s mainly focusing on stating the facts of what Scully is experiencing. She is going through a process of acknowledging things to herself, getting through them, seeking acceptance without seeking catharsis per se. I like that, especially because I think Scully’s a bit of an opposite to Mulder in that way. Mulder always seems to be seeking some kind of cathartic moment or revelation.

"It's okay," she said, because she wanted it to be okay. She was tired of
living under its weight, tired of pretending this hadn't happened to her.
She wanted it spoken, understood between them so they could put it to
rest.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

Better late than never? - 2/2

Mulder is also very well characterized, even though I feel like I’m seeing him through a window in this fic. Scully’s POV seems to contain the story, and even when she’s thinking about mulder, she seems to be thinking about him with a bit of a disconnect between her observations and the feelings they invoke.

"We've got a new case," Mulder said, leaning against her desk. He
radiated his special brand of flat, nervous concern.

"I hate to disappoint you," Mulder said. "I know you had your heart set
on werewolves."

I love both these lines. Also, I love that he guesses “BITE ME” instead of “BILL ME” during Wheel of Fortune. That’s so him, and the thing is, I can’t decide whether I think he guessed wrong on purpose.

Favorite lines include:

"We've got a dead body asking for us," Mulder said, and it was strange
enough that she didn't understand what he was saying and thought she
might still be dreaming in some motel bed in a state she couldn't
remember, but he was touching her arm. Mulder never touched her in
her dreams.

Because it’s the opposite of every sexy, romantic fanfic trope, and I like the way it’s both mundane and poignant at the same time; what it must feel like to love someone and dream about them but never dream about their touch – even Scully’s subconscious is professional and disinclined to cross any lines.

She knew this man, and was relieved she wouldn't have to
introduce herself to him ever again. She didn't know what she'd say.

I actually like that this fic focusses on Scully struggling with an identity crisis, rather than on the trauma itself. It’s different, a bit unexpected, giving the fic a bit of an up-on-the-down-beat feeling.

Wearing tennis shoes instead of high heels, she barely came
up to his shoulder and she hated being near him when he was so tall.
He was hard to talk to, and look at, and believe in.

An example of a line that starts off predictable and then smoothly leads to something I wasn’t expecting. I’ve read dozens of fanfics that talk about how Mulder’s height makes Scully feel about herself, but I’m not sure I’ve read one that addresses what Mulder’s height makes her feel about him.

She wanted him to stay there forever, so that at least one of them
could be sure of her humanity. But then his hand slid lower, and she
could finally feel her heart beating and so broadened her idea of forever
to include this, to include everything.

I’m not 100% clear on how to interpret this, but it’s dream-think, so it’s good that it’s a bit unclear, and I think I understand the basic meaning - the dream sensation of expanding the way you’ve conceptualized the amorphous structure of your dream. In this case, Scully’s acceptance that their relationship is more than what it has been strictly defined as, that it has no boundary, and maybe that can be okay.

There are many fics I prefer to this one. At no point does LWTDB leave me feeling particularly struck or overcome by feeling or emotion. It doesn’t make me feel giddy or dazed or aching or aggrieved. But it’s thoughtful and well written, even in tone, the characters feel distinctly mature, and I suspect it’s a fic that would hold up well if I were to reread it in several years.

[infinitlight.livejournal.com]

I really liked the dreamlike feel of the story. The dreaming images are very strong--the show she watches about submarines, and her shower, and her being half-awake in the wavy light reflected off the pool, and the stained-glass reflections. The recurring mention of Mulder being outsized to the point of giant, as well. Perceptions are slightly off in this story. It doesn't fit terribly well with what I normally think of when I think of Scully, but I don't think it's a poor fit.

The way she sleeps is one of the character points given to us repeatedly in the show, after all. Dreaming and bodies of water are related metaphors, sometimes interchangeable. She is Starbuck after all. She has a pretty deep relationship with the sea.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

I'm late because I was in another (nondream) state, and everyone has already been wonderfully intelligent. I love this story because I love everything Punk Maneurverability has ever written. She has written absolutely hilarious stuff, which confirms my theory that the brilliantly funny writer can go both ways brilliantly. DWTDB especially impresses me as it is an interior story, an emotional adjustment story, all about what one character is thinking/feeling with very little action or dialogue in support. There are thousands of these and most are bad. Punk did it right.

I should chime in on some of the contested issues. I don't find Scully's lack of anger at Mulder terribly hard to understand. I realize he performed incorrectly here, but he was trying to protect her, and I am old enough to see male protection as a comfortable thing. She has to come to terms with her loss, and nobody else can do it for her. As for the "fearing" of infertility, I think I get that. Now that she is sure of her condition (I believe there are fannish arguments that absolute sureness wouldn't be possible: another subject) she fears *living* with it. She fears her identity as a woman who cannot bear, a state of being that many consider pitiable and that she does not welcome. Further adjustment is necessary. But "it will be okay."

I loved the care with which the story slipped in and out of dreams. I personally can say that I have distant memories that I *cannot* identify as being real or dreamed. I don't think this is unusual, and it has gotten us in something of a societal quandary on the issue of child abuse.

I love the sex scenes, because they weren't.

[wendelah1]

This story and its discussion have stirred up enough stuff in me that I am recusing myself from further participation, and decamping to my personal journal.

I hope I haven't been too horrible. If so, I apologize.

[lightlack.livejournal.com]

As amyhit could tell you, I have limited patience when it comes to sifting through fanfic for the good stuff, so if something is going to hook me, it's got to hook me quickly. The line that did me in, this time? "If he called her Dana, she would go to lunch and never come back."

I just love that. It's serious and snappy and darkly funny all at the same time. And this fic has a lot of those lines -- when my attention starts to wander, there'll suddenly be some lovely articulate moment that brings me right back into the story, into her particular manifestation of Scully.

I think this is my favourite: "She knew this man, and was relieved she wouldn't have to introduce herself to him ever again. She didn't know what she'd say."

I had never thought of it quite that way before I read this phrase, but I understood it immediately. The relief of never having to un-know the people we love, even if they go away. I may not remember what I did or said in the beginning that made someone decide to be my friend, but I don't have to remember because regardless of what I did or didn't do, we're here now, ensconced in our friendship, and thank God. The intensity of the Mulder-Scully pair-bond makes it feel even more true.