Story 14: "Blood and Breath" by RivkaT

[wendelah1]

This week's choice is mine. I decided to look through the spoiler category in Gossamer for Gethsemane. I felt there had to be another, more satisfying take on the episode. Look what I found! "Blood and Breath" is by one of my favorite writers, rivkat . I love the way she sees Scully and this is a very Scully-centric piece. Like "Primal Sympathy," it was posted in 1997 during the hiatus, but it is a very different approach to the cliff-hanger at the end of Gethsemane.

Here is what the author had to say about the work:
Classification: XAR
Rating: R for violence and sexual situations
Summary: Post-Gethsemane, and major changes are afoot. If there's a genre you don't like (and I think you know what I mean), stay away.

There are spoilers in the comment thread.

Let us know what you think; let the author know what you think; and please, let us know your suggestions for next time. I promise we will get back to the queue in a couple of weeks.
"Blood and Breath"

Comments

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

First of all, I want to say that picking a story for comparative purposes was a really good idea on your part. I love compare and contrast. So, let me begin. I'm in the mood to start with a line-by-line commentary, so that's what you'll get...

She dropped them to the floor and left them where they fell, leaning against each other like tired soldiers.

From this point, second paragraph, you know it's going to be a good story. Closely observed, with the sort of detail that tells us something about the character in question. Scully herself is a tired soldier.

Worthless, faithless, betraying bitch. Feckless, weak, hostile and strange. Nasty, brutish and short.

And from here, fourth paragraph, you know that it's a rivkat story. Dark, troubled, self-hating characters. I know this sort of characterization is not to everyone's taste, but it works for me.

I also love the dark humor in the piece. Passages like: The funeral had been the most tasteful event Fox Mulder had ever been at the center of. And: So, basically, Phoebe thought that Mulder was dead because she hadn't been willing to fuck him. Classic stuff.

His arms went around her, slowly, gingerly. His hands were so large; he could break her neck with two fingers. Perhaps he should.

This is rivkat's way of putting us, the readers, into a romantic mood. I sense sex just around the corner. And yes, I have a sneaking fondness for the whole Skinner-and-Scully-get-together-when-Mulder-is-gone genre. It's about the only way that I can see it happening, really.

Skinner wanted her. Or wanted to protect her and his body had confused that with a different kind of wanting. Wanted to save her, because, maybe, he hadn't saved someone else, a long time ago.

This is a really good throwaway observation about Skinner's past. Astute, and it does make me wonder.

And then Mulder turns up at Scully's apartment whilst Skinner and Scully are still in their post-coital state. Figures.

"Well enough for consensual sex, apparently. Or is this just part of the FBI counseling package? Grief therapy, sexual surrogacy, it's pretty much the same thing, right? I should count myself lucky that Scully's not--" he broke off, horrified at his own words. Skinner, who'd moved toward him with the apparent intent of inflicting violence on him, stopped and let Mulder's guilt do the work.

Alpha-male posturing, check.

"Dammit, Mulder, why do we always have to lie to each other? We lie all the time. How can we do that when we're supposed to be searching for the truth?"

Very good point. I love writing like this because it always gives me new insights into the show.

"She just doesn't have it in her. Not now, maybe not ever. She--she can only let you far enough in that you know what you're missing."

An interesting characterization. In a way it reminds me of a milder version of Tesla's "Flying Under the Radar" or of "Misogyny" by Pares. That idea of Scully as essentially empty in some way. I won't say that I think it's correct, but it definitely is an interesting effect in fic.

She was not the kind of person who could change just because she was dying. The cancer hadn't returned her faith, and it couldn't alter what was fundamental about her. She was rigid, she knew. Uncompromising, judgmental, and often hostile. The only way she knew how to show strength was to fortify her walls against the world, against Mulder.

And this elaborates on that idea a little bit. But not in an unsympathetic way. It just strikes me as realistic.

Now we come to the plotty bit. I am summoning up all the strength I can in order to care about the plotty bit. The not caring is my fault, though, and not Rivka's.

[continued]

[wendelah1]

"She just doesn't have it in her. Not now, maybe not ever. She--she can only let you far enough in that you know what you're missing."

An interesting characterization. In a way it reminds me of a milder version of Tesla's "Flying Under the Radar" or of "Misogyny" by Pares. That idea of Scully as essentially empty in some way. I won't say that I think it's correct, but it definitely is an interesting effect in fic.

Well, you already know how much I hated "Flying Under the Radar." I thought that was a nasty, mean-spirited story with a obvious MarySue standing in for the author (sorry, tesla321 I love you but that story really ticked me off).

Remember, this is Mulder's version of Scully, not necessarily rivkat's version. I read this as saying that at the beginning of the story, Scully is very guarded with her emotions, which indeed she is in the series. She is even more guarded perhaps because of her struggle with her disease and with the loss of control that her abduction and its aftermath have cost her. I don't get where you see this as implying she is empty or lacking in some way. She is who she is. Perhaps Mulder is just being a little pissy about finding her in bed with Skinner. He thinks she can't let him in. But Scully has made a conscious decision to keep him at arm's length, hasn't she? Maybe Mulder (who would be a classic unreliable narrator if ever there was one) just doesn't want to face that.

I can give you bits of the story to back that up, but I probably should go read it first.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

It was indeed a mean-spirited story. I'm not saying that I agree with the portrayal, or that Mulder agrees with it. Just that I saw some similarities in that comment to the idea that Scully has been so broken by events that she just can't reach out or connect with people emotionally. That there is some spark missing.

Needless to say, this story proves that Mulder's statement is not correct. And that's as it should be.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

He moved towards her--he was going to try to carry her out. She had never quite realized how heroic he was, and it made her sad... She had a gun in each hand, and she fired until the darkness took her.

Here we get both Skinner and Scully getting to appear noble and heroic. At the same time. It doesn't happen often enough. They are both such strong people and it's good to see that strength depicted positively, not to have it diminished. So now Mulder is alive, and Scully has had her heroic death. Or has she...?

Now we discover that Scully has been cured by means of highly addictive royal jelly. The reader blinks and ponders. Well, it's better than genetically engineered fetal material anyway, isn't it? Suspending disbelief for the moment--this is the X-Files, after all--we read onwards, and watch as Scully's captors break her.

It was a perfect existence, in a way. He had the Truth, more every day. He had the power to bring justice, at least so far as the District Attorneys and the Dream Teams on the other side would let him. He had respect, and closure, and flowers for Samantha's grave. Sometimes he felt guilty that it didn't seem entirely hollow, but the quest had constituted him for years before he'd met Scully and the drive for truth was so much a part of his structure that he could not but enjoy his vindication.

Now we know things are bad. Perfection and happiness in a Rivka T story? Say it ain't so! Something extra bad has got to happen now. Something bad and good and twisted all over. Like maybe the return of Scully?

One night they sent her Mulder.

It wasn't Mulder, that much was obvious as soon as she looked at him. The posture was all wrong. The hair was too neat. He didn't smell like anything. And, most of all, there were the eyes. Mulder's eyes had been a thousand colors; they'd been credulous and lustful and teasing and horrified, shocked and outraged and suffering. But they'd never been shallow. She could see her reflection in the thing's eyes, and it terrified her.

Now, this is fascinating. It reminds me of "All the Mulders." It could have been explored more fully in a longer story, but this is probably enough.

Few writers would have had the guts to let Scully kill Olaf. Rivka builds him up as an actual person, makes him sympathetic to the reader, and then bam. Knife in the back of the neck. And then we have Scully doing a little bit of impromptu surgery. God, she's tough.

"You all want this to be a happy ending! Don't you understand, I'm not even human any more? I'm a junkie and a whore, I sold myself to keep living. I don't even want *you* knowing I'm alive, and you all don't have any idea who I used to be."

Take that, readers! You are just like the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? Happy endings are for the weak, and Dana Scully may be many things, but weak she is not...

And then we have the reunion of Scully and Mulder. A Mulder who has been in politics for a while, and thus is a little more ready to understand the necessity of moral compromises. And then, yeah, we have the healing sex. It must be a contractual requirement. Still, it isn't quite perfection.

"Not dead yet," she whispered as he cried out her name.

[continued]

[wendelah1]

And then, yeah, we have the healing sex. It must be a contractual requirement.

You are so funny. Of course it is.

Few writers would have had the guts to let Scully kill Olaf. Rivka builds him up as an actual person, makes him sympathetic to the reader, and then bam. Knife in the back of the neck.

Absolutely. This is so true. I can only think of one other moment like this offhand in fan fiction, but I'm not going to tell you what it is, in case we ever get around to reading it. It is rare, and carries even more of an impact for that reason. But why is it rare? We know Scully can be ruthless in pursuit of her goals. She shot Mulder, for heaven's sake. She is tough. I love her. I need an icon of Scully with a gun. Edited: to change the icon.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

But why is it rare? We know Scully can be ruthless in pursuit of her goals. She shot Mulder, for heaven's sake.

Good question. My instinctive feeling is that we see Scully using her gun more than Mulder does (in the show). She's a better shot than he is, and she doesn't drop it either. Yet this sort of characterization of her isn't all that frequent. Might it be that some writers have trouble identifying with this aspect of her character? These are, after all, traits that aren't usually rewarded in women.

[wendelah1]

Well, yes. This is another one of those questions that writers would probably answer similarly to readers, "if I wanted to see Scully shoot her gun, I would just watch the show." So, they focus on writing stories about things that are interesting to them. Like feelings and character development. Sigh. But not to me. Sigh. I think I am starting to see why het fic got a bad name. I just don't see why having two male characters behave like a stereotypical romantic heterosexual couple is any better. It is just as boring to me, either way. Maybe in the slash story equivalent, there would be more shooting first, then the boring sex part.

At least, the sex in this story wasn't too boring. I thought it was an interesting choice to have the sex with Skinner take place in Scully's home, in her bed, whereas the final sex scene, the "healing sex" takes place in the back seat of a car. I can kind of hear the writer's brain thinking "Take that, people! You are not getting any damn perfect sex scenes out of me." The worst sex of my life had to be car sex. That kind of undercuts the whole promoting heteronormativity aspect, too, a little bit, doesn't it? I didn't expect Scully to make Mulder pull over for sex in the parking lot of the Giant supermarket. He didn't either. Oh, and there wasn't any foreplay. She was just ready for him. I kind of cackled when I read that line. "She felt as if she'd been ready for him for a thousand years." We even get Mulder cursing when he closes the car door on his legs. Mulder is really too tall to be having sex in the back seat of what I sure hope is a full-sized sedan. Now, I guess I should talk about the Scully/Skinner sex. I think that will have to wait for later.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

So, they focus on writing stories about things that are interesting to them. Like feelings and character development. Sigh. But not to me. Sigh.

In my idealistic moments I like to think that the two aren't incompatible. I mean, the valuable part of this story is not just Scully shooting a gun, but that the way she does so tells us something important about her character and feelings at the time she does it. So I live in hope.

Maybe in the slash story equivalent, there would be more shooting first, then the boring sex part.

From the slash I've read, I think you'd get to the boring sex pretty quickly. Really I think this is an issue to do with the gender of the writers (female) rather than with the gender of the characters.

That kind of undercuts the whole promoting heteronormativity aspect, too, a little bit, doesn't it?

It definitely makes Scully the initiator in this sexual encounter. Which is why this is unusually satisfying healing sex. The healing is not something that's being done to Scully by Mulder, or Skinner, or some other man (or woman). Scully is healing herself by having sex with Mulder. Very satisfying, when you think about it.

Good analysis! You definitely highlighted that issue for me.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

In general, what strikes me about this story is that it's actually less of a post-ep than "Primal Sympathy." It starts with the set-up of "Gethsemane," but it quickly moves off onto its own territory. The most noticeable aspect of this is the shift from Mulder-centered to Scully-centered. "Gethsemane" was all about Mulder's angst and failure; here, we get rid of Mulder and find him again fairly quickly, and then move on very quickly to the real business of the story, which is the testing of Scully.

"Gethsemane," "Redux" and "Primal Sympathy" are all about people doing things for Scully, or on behalf of Scully, admitting it or concealing it, but still considering themselves to know better than her in some important ways. "Blood and Breath" is about Scully herself. She finds her own cure, even though she has to compromise herself in doing so. The story asks how much it takes to break her, how much she is willing to sacrifice in order to get the cure, and whether you can really recover after having gone through all that. It asks just how strong Scully really is. The answer is that she is very strong, and that in the end, maybe simply living is enough.

[wendelah1]

This a really, really good review. I have much love for this story. I will need some time to properly respond. You are so fast at this.

I can see why you see this as less of a post-ep than is "Primal Sympathy." It does go AU very quickly after resolving the cliff-hanger of Gethsemane, and had very different goals than did Lydia Bower's story. I think you would agree that it was far more successful at achieving those goals.

I have a little different take on the story. I think the story is about how much it takes to break Scully, how much she is willing to do to live without unbearable pain, and what that self-knowledge finally brings her. I don't believe that she found her own cure, not for the cancer that was rapidly growing within her nasopharynx. The royal jelly was forced upon her as part of the torture that drove her into collaboration with the enemy. She does face her weaknesses and her fears. As a result of being forced to live in order to serve the interests of the Syndicate, in the face of having committed what she would surely see as sins, or even crimes, she does what she never hoped to do in the face of her death: she changes. While attempting to put her shattered life back together, after her escape and reunion with Mulder, she confesses to him that she is afraid. Despite that fear, she chooses to try to create an intimate, loving relationship with him. Not dead yet? In the face of all that has happened, I think she is choosing to live.

You have covered so much already, plus I think I just used up all my best lines. I may have to write a contrast and compare for the sex scenes. Or tackle the religious symbolism. Or, something else.

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

You are so fast at this.

I only got through it so fast by not actually thinking very much as I was doing it. I thought it would be fun to try to get down my initial reactions as I was reading the story, but in doing so I did say a number of things that weren't quite right or weren't very well analyzed. So now it's time to backtrack!

I don't believe that she found her own cure, not for the cancer that was rapidly growing within her nasopharynx.

You're right. I was emphasizing that idea in order to emphasize Scully's agency, and the idea that no one else had done it for her. She didn't find the cure, but she did win it for herself by her own attempts (that is, escaping along with the jelly). I guess I almost see her time in captivity as a sort of allegory for her "dark night of the soul" with cancer. I don't know why that is, and I can't articulate my feeling very well, but it is almost like the dark mirror version of the hospital and the chemotherapy and all the rest of it. The place where you live, but lose your soul.

One thing that I wonder is about the difference in the result between Scully surviving because of her own toughness (as in this story), and Scully surviving because of the efforts of others (as in the show and in the other story). You might think that it would make more sense for her to learn to trust based on the latter scenario and not the former. But perhaps Scully has to reach out from a position of strength?

Despite that fear, she chooses to try to create an intimate, loving relationship with him. Not dead yet? In the face of all that has happened, I think she is choosing to live.

Yes, I do think you're right. I suppose I was just withholding judgment, both because the story ends so quickly there and because sex in rivkat world is so rarely unequivocally healing or healthy. A good analogue here is the resolution of Tikkun Olam. I know that was too fast for a lot of people, and not a tangible enough improvement. It is clearly the style of this writer not to offer a long drawn-out resolution phase to the story (as compared with Arizona Highways, for example). She suggests the change of heart, and lets the reader fill in the rest. It is the change of heart that's the important bit, after all.

[frey-at-last.livejournal.com]

I haven't gotten to either post-Gethsemane story yet, but I'd like to...

Not to double up too much on the RivkaT, but can I recommend "Fugue (http://www.rivkat.com/xfiles/fugue.html)" for some future discussion week?

[wendelah1]

I love "Fugue." I would happily read rivkat's work every week. Can you do me a favor and post this suggestion in the nomination post as well so that it doesn't get lost in the shuffle? I hope you do get a chance to read these stories; I would love to hear your thoughts. You can post them anytime, you know, as emily_shore and I get all of the comments. I wish more people would tag this community so that we could discuss the stories more easily (she says wistfully.)

8 years later

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

I love this story, loved your analysis (two readers), and I've read this fic at least 3 times now with equal enjoyment each time. I also love RivkaT's speculation on Byers background, considering the lone gunman-centric episodes hadn't aired then. Byers the badass... Yeah can't really add much that hasn't been written already but I do love it and Wendy I'd be interested in that other fix you mentioned where Scully kids in cold blood...

Re: 8 years later

[wendelah1]

The other story I was thinking of does get discussed here. You'll get to it eventually. :D

I miss emily_shore. I was hoping she might return to the fandom and rejoin us but so far, no go.

RE: Re: 8 years later

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

Can you give me the title of that other story just so I know to keep an eye out for it?