Story 170: "Certitude" by Justin Glasser

[wendelah1]

This is picfic, but for that other movie, the one I at least liked a lot better. Still, for all its virtues, Fight the Future did leave a huge plot hole for the fanfiction writers to fill in: what exactly did happen after they escaped from the alien ship? How did they get from Antarctica to Washington DC and what happened in between? "Certitude" tells that story so well, I've probably reread it a half dozen times with pleasure, and recced it, well, everywhere but here.

Besides an absolutely riveting plot, Glasser give us a Mulder-and-Scully who come as close to the characters on screen as any writer before or since. In case you weren't certain of my feelings, I love this story. The link is to Mulder in Jeopardy, where it is broken into two parts, one containing sections 1-5, the other, 6-10.

Certitude Part One

Certitude Part Two

Send feedback to the author, then come back and let us know what you think. The nomination post is always open for your suggestions.

Comments

Things I liked:

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

I like Certitude best between pages 1 and 20. Up until that point there's nothing I don't like. I enjoy figuring out what's going on, I enjoy the POV shifts and the spooky clinical observations of Captain Neill, I like all the fun that comes with quarantine fics, but that underlying it there's the deep foreboding of knowing Mulder and Scully are not in good hands. I like the straight-forward, vivid writing. I like that Mulder waits at Scully's bedside for her to wake up because he's afraid she'll disappear again. I love their dialogue:

"Thank you," she said, her voice slicing through my
reverie.

"For what?"

"For coming after me."

I looked at her, stunned. For coming after her? What
else would I have done?

"All part of the job," I said, watching her fingers
between mine. "You'd have done the same for me."

"I *have* done the same for you."

I grinned. Ducked my head to her hand.

"I missed you," I said into the bedclothes.

"I know," she said. "So what do you do for fun
around here?"

There's so much weight and importance in what they're saying here, but they expertly avoid saying anything too revealing. And Certitude has more than a couple really excellent one liners:

"How long have you been awake?"

She shrugged. "I come and go."

"Talking of Michelangelo?" he asked, leaning in close.

and:

"L."

"Nope." Scully drew a small neck on the circle.

"Neck before face, Scully. That's cruel."

and:

"I know you're worried, Mulder. Trust me."

Finally he looked away, rolling his eyes. "If I had a
nickel for every time you said that, Scully--"

"You'd retire and support me in the manner to which
I am accustomed." Scully reached out and took his
hand. "I'm okay."

I like the description of them doing callisthenics together - the intimacy and awkwardness of it. It's even a little bit erotic, really:

He'd held her feet, hands over her toes, palms
pressing warmly as she did her sit ups

And perhaps my favorite thing of all, I love that Certitude addresses the effects of Scully having been infected with the alien virus. I love the idea that there are after effects, and that the Consortium has been studying those effects and their possibilities for some time now. The chilling moment where she's told it's an injection of her blood that has caused Mulder such agony is one of my favorites, and I would love to have seen Glasser explore that further, either in this fic, or in another one. And I find it perfectly appropriate that Scully's altered blood cells are labelled 'X-cells' - a shiver went through me when that was revealed. But what I appreciate maybe even more than all of this, is that Certitude addresses the effects the virus has had on Scully psychologically.

There was no pain, only a fullness, a feeling like one
she had never felt, a feeling of something living inside
her. In a way that horrified her now, she had almost
enjoyed it, the slow bleeding of herself into something
else, something that would bear her mark even after
it had consumed her. She had felt it, even then, even
when there was nothing but fluid coursing through
the umbilical cord in her throat.

That's horrific in a way FTF never even touched on, and in a way I find very intriguing and shocking and yet also realistic: the alien virus insinuating itself, asserting it's influence over Scully as it fused with her. Which is brought home again, later on in the fic, when Scully tells Mulder she didn't have to see the spaceship because she felt it. *shudders* I LOVE that, and may adopt it into my own personal psuedo-canon.

Re: Things I liked:

[wendelah1]

One of the things I liked most about this story is Captain Neill. He's one of the great original characters in this fandom. For me, this story is as much about his character arc as it is about theirs, about how their fate is changed by his feelings for Scully and his subsequent interventions. To my way of thinking, he's the hero in this story, taking the place of Mulder in that role. It's breathtaking to behold, and a much riskier choice for a writer than the more usual route. I loved it. Both times he intervenes on their behalf it's such a shock. How did this happen? He's not on their side, yet by the end, he takes two huge risks, saving them both at the cost of his own life.

And perhaps my favorite thing of all, I love that Certitude addresses the effects of Scully having been infected with the alien virus. I love the idea that there are after effects, and that the Consortium has been studying those effects and their possibilities for some time now. The chilling moment where she's told it's an injection of her blood that has caused Mulder such agony is one of my favorites, and I would love to have seen Glasser explore that further, either in this fic, or in another one. And I find it perfectly appropriate that Scully's altered blood cells are labelled 'X-cells' - a shiver went through me when that was revealed.

I loved this the first time through, but later I kept thinking this is just a more extreme form of an ABO incompatibility transfusion reaction. I wanted Scully to know that--she would know that--and try to puzzle out the implications. Except, then I thought, what would the scientific implications be for the Consortium? Okay, a foreign protein causes an extreme reaction. Like duh. Why would you need to repeat that over and over again? This "experiment" on the whole seems pretty bogus to me, and in retrospect is the weakest part of the plot, verging on gratuitous Mulder Torture. Why are they only doing blood studies on her? Why didn't they do baseline studies on him, if he's the actual test subject? Why didn't they drag him away for observation in a controlled setting, instead of leaving him in his room? As mad scientists, they fail utterly. Having the foreign cells labeled as "X" cells is cute in a grotesque sort of way.

But the experiment and the three characters' reactions to it is what drives the plot, so ultimately I end up hand-waving it. After all, Glasser was an English major, not a biochemist or a medical researcher. He's writing a horror story, not a scifi medical thriller.

But what I appreciate maybe even more than all of this, is that Certitude addresses the effects the virus has had on Scully psychologically.

Yes, this is one of the story's strengths; it creates psychological horror for the reader, as well.

Re: Things I liked:

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

Wen, in my opinion your knowledge of the medical field is getting in the way of your enjoyment of the fic. Maybe I'm wrong, and Glasser really was just writing about a pretty standard ABO incompatibility transfusion reaction, and that was all it was meant to be. But given the way Neill reveals to Scully that it was her blood that caused Mulder such pain, and the obviously deliberate impact intended by that revelation, I presume Glasser meant to indicate more was going on there than just an incompatibility reaction. Something extraterrestrial and spooky was going with Scully's blood. We already know that hybrids and shape-shifters (at least certain 'models' of them) have blood that is toxic to be exposed to. It seems to act as a rapidly vaporizing acid of some kind. Perhaps Scully's blood has taken on some of the properties of hybrid blood. That doesn't seem unimportant to me at all.

Why didn't they drag him away for observation in a controlled setting, instead of leaving him in his room?

Yeah, that's a bit of a plot hole. I would think they would want to be monitoring his body's reaction to this foreign toxin on every level. Then again, I could say the same of the black-oil test subjects, yet they seemed to leave them bound under chicken wire. At least in Glasser's fic Mulder is being closely observed by Neill (or so the Consortium believes).

Re: Things I liked:

[wendelah1]

Wen, in my opinion your knowledge of the medical field is getting in the way of your enjoyment of the fic.

Nah, not really. This is actually how I have fun in real life, critiquing bad, inaccurate medicine and science on TV. I have much lower expectations for fanfiction than I do for TV--I can't stand House, for example. It's just that I know how medical research is conducted--I work at a research hospital--and this ain't it. Yeah, if her blood had taken on abnormal, never-before-seen characteristics that would be huge. That would be Nobel prize material. But in this story, she isn't the test subject. Neil thinks that she's just going to be eliminated once "the test" is over; that's one of the things that drives him to free them both. THIS MAKES NO SENSE IF HER BLOOD IS WHAT IS BEING TESTED. THESE ARE SOME DAMN CRAZY RESEARCHERS.

Then again, I could say the same of the black-oil test subjects, yet they seemed to leave them bound under chicken wire.

Yes, it looks dramatic on TV but like so much of what 1013 did with the myth-arc, it made no sense. So in that respect, these mad scientists fit in just fine.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

-That Scully's still planning to leave. I've always considered her experience in Antarctica to be the thing which makes leaving seem utterly impossible. Not to mention, I think leaving only seemed possible to her in the first place before she was forced to slow down and think beyond the practicalities of it.

-The development of Mulder and Scully's relationship. It's written well, and I understand why some people are going to like it. I'm just not one of those people. They say too much to each other. They reveal too much, they mutually acknowledge too much. As an AU scenario it would certainly work, but as a gap-filler fic that is supposed to be canon adherent, I find it a significant stretch. If this had really happened, I would then have to readjust how I look at every M/S interaction from then on out. Which is perfectly alright, but I rather like my current perspective, I like that they have yet to mutually acknowledge anything for another year at least, which leaves the fic and I at something of an impasse, though an amicable one.

-The imbalance between Scully's role in the fic and Mulder's. While I will always find it easier to enjoy fics in which Scully is awesome and Mulder takes a backseat to fics in which the reverse is true, I still wish Mulder were a little more appreciated in Certitude. Throughout the fic, Scully is the one who basically accomplishes everything while Mulder flails helplessly. Which I wouldn't mind so much, accept the way Captain Neill thinks about the two of them emphasizes that imbalance. He basically idolizes Scully and thinks Mulder is a sorry SOB. This doesn't make me dislike the fic, and if one wanted to argue that it was a pleasant role reversal from the norm, I would certainly understand where they were coming from. Nonetheless, I would like Certitude even more if Mulder were given a bit more to do, instead of having him stand around like a sacrificial lamb, and angst over Scully leaving him or being taken.

[wendelah1]

-That Scully's still planning to leave. I've always considered her experience in Antarctica to be the thing which makes leaving seem utterly impossible. Not to mention, I think leaving only seemed possible to her in the first place before she was forced to slow down and think beyond the practicalities of it.

I didn't think the leaving was supposed to be voluntary on her part.

"That's not what I meant. Mulder, I'm tired of this.
I'm tired of having to be on my guard every time I
turn the corner, every time I open a car door, every
time I step into a room. I'm tired of having to
wonder what is happening in my life as a result of
the actions of others. I'm tired of wondering what's
going in my *own* body. I hate this, Mulder. I hate
the whole fucking thing."

His hand had stopped moving.

"What are you saying, Scully?"

"I'm saying that when we get back, *if* we ever get
back, maybe I shouldn't fight the transfer. Maybe I
should go to Utah, get some perspective. Maybe I
should leave the X-files."

I think Mulder gets what this is about. Intellectually, anyway. As he says a beat later, they don't even have the X-Files. Scully seems depressed and discouraged at this point and maybe that's understandable, given what's she's been through. Who knows how the exposure to the alien virus may have affected her? What changes her mind forever is what They do next: torture Mulder. Smooth move, Consortium Master Minds!

They say too much to each other. They reveal too much, they mutually acknowledge too much. As an AU scenario it would certainly work, but as a gap-filler fic that is supposed to be canon adherent, I find it a significant stretch. If this had really happened, I would then have to readjust how I look at every M/S interaction from then on out. Which is perfectly alright, but I rather like my current perspective, I like that they have yet to mutually acknowledge anything for another year at least, which leaves the fic and I at something of an impasse, though an amicable one.

I find it impossible to believe with Mulder having gone to Antarctica and back for her, that there could be any doubt in Scully's mind how he feels about her. And I dislike the series once the show moves to LA so I have no problem using this as my emotional canon. I vote the series ends now!

Seriously, what works for me best about this fic is what doesn't work for you: their emotional journey. I'm crying my eyes out at the end of this. I'm crying for Mulder and Scully. I'm even crying for Captain Neill.

But as far as Scully getting to be the only one who does anything heroic here, aside from Captain Neill, of course, doesn't that just balance out the damned movie? She's the one who gets pulled out of the alien ice chest by the unstoppable Super Agent, playing Princess Aurora to his Prince Charming in FTF. So she gets to show her stone cold bitch credentials here. Works for me.

My theory is Captain Neill thinks Mulder's a sorry sob because he's in love with Scully himself. He knows Mulder is in love with her, but Mulder never does anything about it. "Just kiss her dammit," or words to that effect, right? And probably being stuck in that listening post for a year watching Mulder jerk off and have nightmares didn't do anything to improve Neill's opinion of him either.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

I find it impossible to believe with Mulder having gone to Antarctica and back for her, that there could be any doubt in Scully's mind how he feels about her. And I dislike the series once the show moves to LA so I have no problem using this as my emotional canon.

I have my issues with S6 and S7, but one thing I've always loved about S6 in particular is that after such a dramatic and harrowing summer, they grab onto plausible deniability and smooth it over the summer with amazing efficiency. I sure would have liked if the FTF mytharc stuff had been dealt with in S6, but I loved that the emotional implications of the movie were utterly ignored. To me, that's the just so Mulder and Scully. It's ridiculous - so crazy you either have to laugh or cry - but it's also how they work with each other, par excellence.

As to Scully knowing or not knowing how Mulder feels, I can absolutely believe she wouldn't know. He's just told her he needs her in order to continue his work. She also knows that he has some serious PTSD issues when it comes to losing the female members of his life (obviously, since he sits by her bed day and night). Both of those are major reasons for him to go to Antarctica to get her back that don't involve him loving her. Even if Scully does suspect Mulder loves her, she may well presume he loves her as a friend, or even simply as a protector. The ambiguity of their feelings for each other mirrors the ambiguity that permeates the rest of their lives, and I love that. I love that it's a more charged ambiguity than ever at the close of FTF.

[write-out.livejournal.com]

I'm a big fan of fic that covers the big blank space between Antartica and DC. This was a new one for me and I really enjoyed it, the pacing, the dialogue, Captain Neill.

There are so many little moments here that stand out to me:

- the 50 games of Hangman that Mulder loses to Scully, despite the fact that he's 'fucking smart.'

- X-Cells and Scully's horror when she is told Mulder's reaction is from an injection of her own blood.

- Scully crying after Mulder wet himself and she had to strip him down.

- the escape back out into the snow and ice.

Like amyhit, I don't buy that Scully is still considering leaving the X-Files at this point, but it's not enough of a stumbling block to knock me out of the fic. I guess that's my amicable impasse? (love that, by the way)

This might sound strange, given how minor his role is, but I absolutely love Skinner here.

J. Edgar Hoover Building
Washington D.C.

When he returned to his desk after lunch, Assistant
Director Walter Skinner found a single yellow piece
of paper in the center of his dark green blotter. He
picked it up and read it, pulled his glasses off, rubbed
his fingers into his eyes, shoved his glasses back on
and read it again. Then he stood up from his desk
and strode for the office door, shouting for Kimberly,
his assistant.

The paper stayed behind, placid and open on the
desktop. "Mulder Scully alive STOP" it read. "South
79.oo lat East 61.oo long 290 feet STOP Relocation
imminent STOP"

I want to know who left that on his desk.

And this:

Let them be all right, he thought. They had no
business being here, and he had no business coming
after them, but he would help them for as long as he
could.

Aaaand this:

It was a real quarantine, this time, one with about a
hundred different doctors, and television and a
phone, and an address that Skinner visited almost
daily, waving gruffly to them through the glass.

I love the idea of Skinner visiting them- waving at them- every day.

So thanks for the rec, wendelah1! As much fic as I've read over the years, it's great to come across new ones.

[wendelah1]

You're welcome!

I was more bamboozled by Mulder losing 50 games of hangman than Scully considering leaving the X-Files. They don't even have the X-Files anymore. Admittedly, Scully is in an emotional low point there, but I didn't find it hard to believe in context. What's so funny is that Mulder's been sleeping at the foot of her bed on a chair, because he's so afraid she'll disappear (and then she does...) but after she tells him she's thinking of leaving, Scully invites him into her bed for some platonic cuddling. Mulder falls asleep almost immediately, of course, since he's exhausted, but she wakes up every time he moves (I can so relate to that). I liked watching them get just a little more intimate, day by day, until by the time they are dying in the snow, she can admit to him that she'll never leave him. Sob!

And then this:

I don't want to die. No matter how many stupid
things I've done, no matter how many risks I've
taken, this has never been my intention. Not my
death, and not hers. But if this is the way it's going
to be, if I am going to be the cause of her death, then
I need to go as soon as possible after her, because I
sure as hell couldn't do it without her, brave words to
the contrary.

I always thought I could die happy with Scully in my
arms. I just never thought I'd have empirical proof.

I just have no words.

I glad you enjoyed the story. I won't get another chance to rec it now unless I do it at het_reccers. Now there's a thought...

[write-out.livejournal.com]

I was more bamboozled by Mulder losing 50 games of hangman than Scully considering leaving the X-Files.

Hah! You might have something there.

But yes, the cuddling in bed and in the snow killed me. In a good way.

[write-out.livejournal.com]

OH. And because I was trying to delay folding the laundry as much as possible, I decided to read some of the stories at that Mulder in Jeopardy site. All I can say is YIKES. Poor Mulder. I think I am scarred now, but that's what I get for clicking on random stories there.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

Okay, I've read this before but my mind is old, tired, and possibly over-saturated with XFiliana. (Another subject; won't go there.) So I had to do it all again.

Justin Glasser is brilliant and underappreciated. Or unknown.

I have no major issues with the story, except: 1) I can't, like others, accept that Scully would seriously want to leave the Files at this post-crisis juncture. I think she might toy with the idea if she was feeling secure, but she's not.

2) The cuddling others enjoyed is not, in general, a scenario I find emotionally or logically satisfactory. This is a really bad situation. They are sick, frightened, they might die, TORTURE. I don't think kidding around about sexual attraction is an appropriate response; it's too damn movie, movie. I would like and understand it better if they had silent, intense sex--even knowing they were being observed--than the sort of teddy bear touching they both like but must ambivalently ponder. That's just me.

Neill is a hero--was anyone reminded of Krycek in "This Room and Everything in It?"--and I wish I could feel that he had some hope in his life. The whole story is full of despair. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I suppose.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

The cuddling others enjoyed is not, in general, a scenario I find emotionally or logically satisfactory. This is a really bad situation. They are sick, frightened, they might die, TORTURE. I don't think kidding around about sexual attraction is an appropriate response; it's too damn movie, movie. I would like and understand it better if they had silent, intense sex--even knowing they were being observed--than the sort of teddy bear touching they both like but must ambivalently ponder. That's just me.

I totally agree, except I'm not sure what you mean by "movie, movie". The only thing is that I think if they'd actually had sex (even though it would have been preferable to me) that would have made the story AU, and it seems like Glasser was going for a canon adherent gap-filler type fic. I still don't find Certitude quite canon adherent, but that's just me.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

You're right, of course, about the canon thing. It's amazing how little I care about that, as years go by.

"Movie, movie" is sixties slang indicating overfamiliarity and fakery. Glasser doesn't deserve to be dissed, because all his character interactions are very careful and heartfelt. But I still felt that the emotions--as when Scully "gentled" Mulder, at some length--were a little out of touch with brutal reality.

Incidentally, the writer wrote "calvary" instead of "cavalry." A one-letter typo is not necessarily considered noticeable. But some letter transpositions really rock the house.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

"Barring the sudden appearance of the calvary, I
guess so."

Ahahahahaha! You're a little early to be bringing in heavy-handed religious overtones, Mr. Glasser. But if you come back in a later season...

But I still felt that the emotions--as when Scully "gentled" Mulder, at some length--were a little out of touch with brutal reality.

This was the one line of Certitude I remembered over the years since I first read it. Usually that would indicate I loved the line, but in this case, even though I find it memorable, it doesn't quite work for me, probably for the reason you've expressed.

It's also a line that I think of as being distinctly 'written by a man'. I'm certainly not claiming that a woman couldn't have written that line, or that the way men write fanfic can be stereotyped. All I mean is that to me something about the light that line casts Scully in, and the light it casts Mulder in, and the way it speaks of their relationship, just seems like a more masculine form of sensitivity to me: Mulder as the noble beast, Scully as the powerfully compassionate beast tamer. It's a very striking and sensual idea, though not one that I personally resonate stongly with.

Years and years too late

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

I love this one. Unreservedly I do, I'll admit it. Justin Glasser writes wonderful fanfic with an excellent feel for character, and this is one of my favorites of his.