Story 173: "How Gravity Works on Planet Spooky" by Khyber

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

khyber@citizensofgravity.com
DISTRIBUTION: Ephemeral, Gossamer, please ask for anywhere else.
RATING: PG-13 for mature content
CATEGORIES: V,R
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully something.
SPOILERS: S7, lots.
SUMMARY: Post-ep for "First Person Shooter." "And Mulder's
falling down on his end of the deal by doing a lousy job of making
the bed; it's impossible to convince myself that this really
is nothing."

Disclaimer: 1013 owns and is sorely neglecting significant
creative capital borrowed in this story.

Author's Notes: Part of Khyber VS 7. Thanks to Mims and
Samiam for early reads. This story was posted a week ago at:
http://www.alanna.net/Khyber. I *strongly* recommend reading
"Collapsar" and "Weret-hekau" first.


3. How Gravity Works on Planet Spooky


And if you have any suggestions for fics you'd like us to read once we get back to our regular schedule, please head over to the recs page and toss 'em out there.

Comments

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

- I like the way all Mulder's thoughts at the beginning of the fic are further addressed by Scully's thoughts at the end of the fic.

- I like that they have these unspoken arrangements, that Scully can sleep in Mulder's bed and pretend it's nothing so long as Mulder pretends he doesn't ever use the bed himself. And that Scully has been essentially hiding her collection of living essentials under his bathroom sink.

- I like the way this fic is a surprising combination of adorable and also kind of heartbreaking. They have this complicated network of lines they've drawn between each other, and they navigate them so well. They clearly have a lot of consideration for each other and whatever's between them (no matter how Scully felt about that impulsive New Years kiss) - but Mulder was clearly right when he said on New Years that they tend to over think things. I'd say they over think their personal relationship far more in this universe than in canon, even, which makes sense considering it's a relationship that's been complicated by years of co-dependant sex, as well as all the other crap that Mulder and Scully face. Watching them try so hard and put so much effort into not stepping a foot wrong is saddening. There’s a lot of hope in this fic, but there’s also so much pathos and wariness.

- I like Mulder's resentment of Scully's apartment. When you think about it, it's kind of his resentment of her inner critic - that rigid, ever appropriate part of Scully that won't stop "pushing her to measure up" to "all the things she thought she was supposed to be". He's basically resentful of the part of Scully she picks on herself with, which I think is sweet, but also kind of bizarre, in a very Mulderish way. After all, he has a lot of personal experience when it comes to self-castigation.

- I like the Mulderisms: "Horton Hears A Who," and the way he refers to their outward stability as "front ranks", and "We know what's in hot dogs, but we still eat them," and organic slime being worse than chemical slime because, "with chemical slime you know you're alone." Khyber's Mulder is a lot wittier than canon Mulder, but it still seems like Mulder’s kind of humor.

- I like this:

We're white gods, her beautiful and expensively shod, me tall
and armed. Every time I make a smartass comment, Scully gives me a
little backhand slap on the arm and takes a sip of her diet Coke.
She grabs the popcorn once I've eaten the butter off the top, and
we don't even think about whether there's any reason for her to go
back to her place that night. We make love again, serious this
time, in the dark, one of us on top but close, so close, coming
close together.

Though I have little desire to read about them actually going on a 'normal date', I do love the fantasy of it, the painful, sweet longing for it. Not to mention Khyber's ability to describe a sex scene in a single sentence, so that it unfolds in parts to reveal a whole picture that is painfully poignant.

- I like the whole last part of the fic, where Scully finally starts to give us some real insight into what their relationship has been like all this time: "hot words and dares and darkness." This fic starts off seeming kind of coy and joking, but by the end it's plunged into very dark territory.

Why would it be fun this time? It's not fun, it's like... so many
other things we've done. Like a clash of weapons, like suddenly
going to war. Forgetting everything in the terrible intensity of
the moment. Knowing that right or wrong, for better or for worse,
there is nothing else like this.

At any rate, on the wedding day, if I recall correctly, I was in
Africa.

This is kind of the crux of the issue, and I love it. It's something I feel should definitely have been addressed in canon, and I love KvsS7 for going there. Plus, they talk about what happened in FPS in a way that makes me almost think the episode wasn't rubbish.

- I love Scully's description -- "the vaguely terrified looks I'm afraid we give each other in the moments before impact." That really sets everything in place for me. It's tremendously sad, but also very sexy. It's a strange combination, and I don't know anybody who's better at achieving it than Khyber.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything in particular I don't like. This isn't one of my top ten favorite fics or anything, but I can't really think of anything I'd want to change. Hmm.

At times Mulder's characterization throws me a little. The way he relates to Scully somehow makes her seem more separate from him than I'm used to. I don’t know how else to describe it. He can be thinking admiring or desirous thoughts about her and still seem quite aloof. I think Khyber’s really great with POV, in terms of making individual POV’s distinct and realistic and interesting, and this Mulder is all those things, which I like. But there’s something about him that keeps me a little on edge. Though I could say the same about canon Mulder.

[wendelah1]

- I like the way all Mulder's thoughts at the beginning of the fic are further addressed by Scully's thoughts at the end of the fic.

Nice observation. I'll have to go look for that.

- I like that they have these unspoken arrangements, that Scully can sleep in Mulder's bed and pretend it's nothing so long as Mulder pretends he doesn't ever use the bed himself. And that Scully has been essentially hiding her collection of living essentials under his bathroom sink.

I'm not sure I do like that, or what is more to the point, I'm not sure I believe it. I guess it's supposed to be a sign of increasing intimacy except it isn't really because she has to pretend and he has to pretend and it all feels like a lot of work for very little reward. They don't have to be alone, I guess. But it's a far cry from real intimacy, that's for sure. I'd almost rather they didn't bother. Khyber's Mulder and Scully seem even more messed up than canon Mulder and Scully. It makes me sad.

- I like Mulder's resentment of Scully's apartment. When you think about it, it's kind of his resentment of her inner critic - that rigid, ever appropriate part of Scully that won't stop "pushing her to measure up" to "all the things she thought she was supposed to be". He's basically resentful of the part of Scully she picks on herself with, which I think is sweet, but also kind of bizarre, in a very Mulderish way. After all, he has a lot of personal experience when it comes to self-castigation.

Reading this story doesn't help me understand why he'd resent her inner critic to such a degree or what he feels so jealous about. So he thinks she's staying over so much because she doesn't want to go home. If that is what he's thinking--why be jealous of an apartment she doesn't even want to be in? Because there's a tiny bit of her life that isn't entirely his?

It's also hard for me to imagine Mulder putting so much psychic energy into noticing anything that isn't work-related. Plus I just think Scully is much more self-reliant than Khyber, and I guess by extension Mulder, does. I can't honestly imagine her doing any of this or even needing to do so.

I like the Mulderisms: "Horton Hears A Who," and the way he refers to their outward stability as "front ranks", and "We know what's in hot dogs, but we still eat them," and organic slime being worse than chemical slime because, "with chemical slime you know you're alone." Khyber's Mulder is a lot wittier than canon Mulder, but it still seems like Mulder’s kind of humor.

Heh. I don't know if Khyber is a better writer or if he just has had more time to think of funny lines. The organic slime v. chemical slime is hysterical and very Mulderish.

Though I have little desire to read about them actually going on a 'normal date', I do love the fantasy of it, the painful, sweet longing for it. Not to mention Khyber's ability to describe a sex scene in a single sentence, so that it unfolds in parts to reveal a whole picture that is painfully poignant.

That says it all for me.

I like the whole last part of the fic, where Scully finally starts to give us some real insight into what their relationship has been like all this time: "hot words and dares and darkness." This fic starts off seeming kind of coy and joking, but by the end it's plunged into very dark territory.

As I said earlier, Khyber's M&S are even more messed up than canon M&S. Sad and sexy? More sad for me than sexy, at least so far. Anyway, I'm not getting that "doomed ship" rush. But there is still plenty of time...as I recall, the next grouping of stories is really, really angst-ridden. And confusing. Maybe you'll have a theory that'll help me make sense of them.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

Just to say that I'm completely--COMPLETELY--exhausted from circumstances that have nothing to do with fic commentary. Everyone knows I adore Khyber, and I'll try to say something more analytical tomorrow. If I sleep.

But the analytical stuff seems to be doing okay without me. Still, where is everyone? He is one of our greats.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I do like that, or what is more to the point, I'm not sure I believe it. I guess it's supposed to be a sign of increasing intimacy except it isn't really because she has to pretend and he has to pretend and it all feels like a lot of work for very little reward.

That's interesting. Even in canon I can absolutely see them having these unspoken checks and balances between them. In fact, I find the bit about Scully and Mulder both pretending he doesn't sleep in the bed a very excellent bit of characterization all around. I think our disagreement on this issue makes an interesting case for how people see intimacy very differently. As I see it, in a strange way the pretending and the self-denial and all of that is what makes it so intimate. It's also what keeps them exhausted and apart, for now, but the thing is, they're putting in this effort. Their consideration for each other and their care in tending to their relationship is evidenced by how much work they're both putting into not fucking it up. They've been through so much, and they are pretty damaged (more so than in canon, I agree) and they're sensitive to each other (which means vulnerable to each other) in a way they're not sensitive to much anymore. So they're navigating their relationship acting on both cowardice and exceptional bravery, unable to tell one apart from the other because they're co-occurring conditions. I feel I understand their cowardice, and I admire their bravery.

why be jealous of an apartment she doesn't even want to be in? Because there's a tiny bit of her life that isn't entirely his?

It's a piece of her life that's not theirs. That's what my guess would be. It's a piece of her life that's antagonistic to what they are, who they are, what they do. And yeah, his jealousy makes him selfish. He's covetous of her in that way, he doesn't like the idea of Scully living a societally approved life. Big surprise there, considering the disdain Mulder seems to have for most of the conventions of society. But it's not just about him. It's perceptive and understanding of him to recognize the role Scully's apartment has come to play in her life. It's become a reminder of everything she's lost or failed to be. It "pushes her to measure up" but has no regard for who she actually is. I love that Mulder understands how she thinks, the ways she measures herself.

Plus I just think Scully is much more self-reliant than Khyber, and I guess by extension Mulder, does.

And again we seem to have opposite views. I see the KvsS7 Scully as being intensely, rigidly self-reliant - to the point where it's not healthy. What is it that makes you think she's not?

I do wish Khyber would have evened out their issues a bit though. Mulder seems peachy next to her. Mind you, I think it does seem compliant with canon that if Mulder and Scully were having sex all along, Scully would be left feeling far more vulnerable and drained than Mulder. Chalk it up to sexist double standards, their personal characters, or biology, but I just don't think sex is usually quite as complicated an issue for Mulder.

[wendelah1]

That's interesting. Even in canon I can absolutely see them having these unspoken checks and balances between them. In fact, I find the bit about Scully and Mulder both pretending he doesn't sleep in the bed a very excellent bit of characterization all around. I think our disagreement on this issue makes an interesting case for how people see intimacy very differently. As I see it, in a strange way the pretending and the self-denial and all of that is what makes it so intimate. It's also what keeps them exhausted and apart, for now, but the thing is, they're putting in this effort. Their consideration for each other and their care in tending to their relationship is evidenced by how much work they're both putting into not fucking it up.

And I think everything they are doing is is fucking up their relationship. People who are in an intimate relationship (as opposed to a codependent one) don't have to go to such elaborate lengths to be in the same space. And what is it about pretending he's not using his bed that makes it somehow easier for her to use it? Why is that such an issue for them? After all this time, why can't they just stop this already? It's worse than what we see on the show by far, and makes me wonder where Khyber was planning to take this. Maybe I should be glad he didn't finish it.

Some of my despair over this story is due to having already read the next three sections, which made me feel pretty terrible. Now I feel like I need to post a warning: do not read if you are prone to depressive thoughts.

It's perceptive and understanding of him to recognize the role Scully's apartment has come to play in her life. It's become a reminder of everything she's lost or failed to be. It "pushes her to measure up" but has no regard for who she actually is. I love that Mulder understands how she thinks, the ways she measures herself.

Part of the problem is that this focus of his on her apartment and what he perceives as being wrong with it feels off to me, and that's not helping me with this bit of characterization for either of them.

I do wish Khyber would have evened out their issues a bit though. Mulder seems peachy next to her. Mind you, I think it does seem compliant with canon that if Mulder and Scully were having sex all along, Scully would be left feeling far more vulnerable and drained than Mulder. Chalk it up to sexist double standards, their personal characters, or biology, but I just don't think sex is usually quite as complicated an issue for Mulder.

He does seem a little too peachy to me, too. Mulder is much more neurotic than this.

Are these issues of hers related to sex? I thought this had to do with Pfaster? Anyway, I thought they'd stopped having sex for some number of years, but that is one of the more confusing elements of this story cycle and universe.

I guess the bottom line is little of this works for me. It's not consistent with how I see her or him or their relationship, whether you throw sex into the mix or not. When she's had work-related problems in the past, she's gotten help. She hasn't resorted to an elaborate subterfuge to get her needs met. I think Scully would go to counseling, clean the damn apartment up and get on with her life.

So I remain unconvinced any of this happened or could happen between them. I'm re-watching the series as I read, and this story doesn't match up with what I see on screen at all, which is the opposite of how I felt when I read "Parabiosis."

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

People who are in an intimate relationship (as opposed to a codependent one) don't have to go to such elaborate lengths to be in the same space.

Healthy people in a healthy intimate relationship don't behave this way, but Mulder and Scully are not healthy people by a long shot, and by extension their relationship cannot be healthy. They're sure trying damn hard to get to a place - with each other and within themselves - where it can be, though.

And what is it about pretending he's not using his bed that makes it somehow easier for her to use it?

1. Because that means she's taking something from him for personal reasons, and that he's giving something to her for personal reasons. If he's not sleeping in the bed then she can feel she's taking nothing and he's giving nothing and it's not personal.

2. Because if he's not sleeping in the bed then she's not now sleeping in his bed in the same sense that she is if he does sleep in it. If he sleeps in it, then it's his personal space. His body has been intimate with that space, and now so is hers. If she sleeps in his bed there's a sexual element to it, but if she sleeps in the bed that he happens to have in his apartment, they can say it's nothing.

And Mulder's falling down on his end of the deal by doing a
lousy job of making the bed; it's impossible to convince myself
that this really is nothing.


-makes me wonder where Khyber was planning to take this. Maybe I should be glad he didn't finish it.

I'm kind of glad he didn't finish it too, but for opposite reasons (shocker). I could be totally off base, but Waterskiers (and some of his other writings) make me think he was going to end it with them 'escaping into obscurity' or something - getting out of the fight. I can never imagine the story going that way, and I don't want to imagine it. I'm one of those people who read Dancing Skeleton Day and hoped it meant Mulder and Scully were coming back.

Some of my despair over this story is due to having already read the next three sections, which made me feel pretty terrible. Now I feel like I need to post a warning: do not read if you are prone to depressive thoughts.

I do remember them being extremely wrenching, but given my love for the way Khyber writes wrenching, I'm looking forward to them tremendously.
Are these issues of hers related to sex? I thought this had to do with Pfaster?

I would say yes, but not in the stereotypical "Issues with Sex" sense. The way I see KvsS7, the AU aspect of it (which is primarily evident in the characterizations) comes from the one thing Khyber changed waaaay back in S3: the MSR has not been platonic all these years. Because the nature of their relationship was different, the way they experienced their partnership, and by proxy the work, was different too. Meaning, also, that they responded differently to traumatic situations than they did in canon. I think that one benefit of a platonic relationship is that it has a kind of integrity that's easier to maintain under enormous amounts of stress. In a platonic relationship everything is less personal, which is particularly important if you're already in kind of a co-dependant bind. If something in their working life hurts them, it's probably not going to have as much impact on their platonic relationship as it does on a sexual one, and if they do something that hurts each other, the hurt is more likely to remain localized to one specific area, rather than bleeding out. The if-then's and boundaries of a platonic relationship are a lot easier to maintain.

So in the immediate sense Scully is sleeping at Mulder's apartment because of her encounter with Pfaster, but all of this is part of a much greater picture as well.

Anyway, I thought they'd stopped having sex for some number of years, but that is one of the more confusing elements of this story cycle and universe.

My impression is that they had sex once, and then immediately after decided not to persue it. But then they continued to have sex occassionally, at some points in time more than at others. And we know for sure they've had sex as recently as Drive.

[wendelah1]

And Mulder's falling down on his end of the deal by doing a
lousy job of making the bed; it's impossible to convince myself
that this really is nothing.

The layers upon layers of denial go way too deep for me to accept this. It's too much, even for them. For me. LOL.

And we know for sure they've had sex as recently as Drive.

We know that because of a later story, though, right? We don't know that now, or do we? Did I miss one of his subtle hints? LOL.

make me think he was going to end it with them 'escaping into obscurity' or something - getting out of the fight. I can never imagine the story going that way, and I don't want to imagine it. I'm one of those people who read Dancing Skeleton Day and hoped it meant Mulder and Scully were coming back.

Interesting. Yeah, the ending for Sokol did not make me very happy, though I can see why it had to end that way. I can't imagine them leaving the fight either--which is half the reason I disliked IWTB as much as I did.

I have to go post the next three stories.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

We know that because of a later story, though, right?

Right, because of The Fall of Our Summer, which is possibly my favorite KvsS7 fic.

Should I be warning for spoilers?

I can't imagine them leaving the fight either--which is half the reason I disliked IWTB as much as I did.

Whereas, I know Khyber has said he liked IWTB, and from what I remember he liked it largely because they got out. But don't quote him on that, obviously.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

Wen and I kind of anticipated that it would be pretty quiet over here for the rest of the summer. It's sad that right now people just don't seem to be in a commenting mood, because Khyber's fic deserves discussion, but fortunately we kind of went into this month prepared to carry the discussion on our own if we had to.

Not that it's something we could do all the time. *coughs* (Dear Readers: WE NEED YOU.)

I hope you can find the time/energy to comment though. Wen and I are opposties on this one, and a third perspective would really round out the discussion marvelously.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

Still exhausted, but what the hell. Where DO you two get your energy? You seem to find it so easy to unfold such little tiny pleated bits of superanalysis. I'm not saying you're overthinking. I'm say I'm presently capable of underthinking at most. But what the hell.

As previously, perhaps repetitively stated, I'm not too intense about specific Mulder/Scully characterizations. If a writer can write, and damn can he write, I'll accept all sorts of twisty stuff. One big and maybe the biggest reason we hyperbolically have the largest and longest fandom in the world is that the canon relationship didn't make any sense. There was all this lovely chemistry, and the crew just pushed and pulled and forgot and turned the lens in some other direction. Here are two perfectly lovely and loveless heterosexuals (with apologies to the slashers) inhabiting not only a lonely office but a positively claustrophobic mutual project involving the possible end of civilization. And they just kind of keep it professional. He teases. She smiles sweetly. There was a birthday party once. Good God. NO ONE BELIEVED YOU, Carter. Of course something was happening, and I doubt it was all that platonic.

But a happy love affair, even a secret one, isn't very dramatic. It must be a tormented, indecisive, denialist relationship. Because M&S's lives are constantly at risk, risking their hearts--as opposed to their virtue, to unearth an overquaint phrase--is perhaps a risk too far. That seems to be how Khyber is playing it. I like it. I like that they sometimes explode into lust but pretend it's just accidental. I enjoy the game of the bed that really isn't his bed. It's one of the very few same-bed scenarios I'll accept, probably because it actually isn't.

I like everything Khyber does. I'm a pushover. I adore the next stories. I can't imagine why they would upset anyone. Perhaps my heart is made of stone. Perhaps I'm happy with the sunlit ending of Sokol. Perhaps I'm just too tired to second-guess Khyber or myself.

Sorry for the whining. The lamp won't fit together.

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

Wait how do we know they had sex as recently as Drive? I didn't get that from these three fics

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

Sorry critics but I'm with Estella on these. The writing trumps all and I love em in all their twistyness

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

Pretty sure I was referencing ahead to The Fall of Our Summer. But it's been so long I can't remember for sure.

The timeline for KvS7 is pretty tricky to piece together, but from what I recall it's also pretty consistent, if one takes the time.