Story 120: "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" by Jane Mortimer

[wendelah1]

I thought it might be fun to read more "first-time" stories. During last week's discussion of "On a Star-Spangled Night," the subject of Mulder's behavior towards Scully came up. One person even called his actions "predatory." Another member commented that she'd rather read depressing sex stories than fluff. I think "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" fits the bill nicely. This is not my favorite first-time story, but it comes close. It is very hot and very dark, and since Mortimer is such a great writer, for me at least, it was surprisingly convincing.

Warnings: if you think you might need one, pm me, please.

You can read "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" at Fugues Fiction Archive.

You can also read it via the Wayback Machine here.

Please us know what you think, and leave your suggestions at the nomination post.

Comments

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

...hot, and gorgeous, and complex, and ambiguous, and disturbing, and hot, and...

i love this fic. and i love that i can chase myself around in circles, pondering whether i'm okay with the fact that i love this fic. because it certainly does some skirting of sexual abuse - even once having Scully herself use the word 'abuse' to describe Mulder's treatment of her. it's also one of the few fics that broaches at least five of the six things that BDSM stands for, incorporates them without naming them, in a complex way, and deliberately doesn't use a safety word. it's a high wire act of sexual and interpersonal ethics, and Jane makes it look both precarious for the characters and easy to write.

basically, this fic seems to carve away what many people hold most sacred in the XF universe. Scully's virtue (in every sense) and Mulder's love for her, which comprises a large amount of his integrity, have both been toppled.

but A Bitter Taste doesn't so much strip away all that is 'soft and gentle, clean and honest' about TXF. it seems to, but really it turns all of that virtue and integrity inside out. which i think is a much more complex and ambitious way to explore the possibilities of Mulder and Scully's characters. at first Mulder doesn't just want to hurt Scully, he wants to degrade her, which is what's most frightening (it's the same basic impulse that is behind a great deal of full-fledged, indefensible sexual abuse). Mulder wants to make her outwardly the enemy he thinks she is inwardly, and to have her because he's been had. but through some combination of choice and reflex, his intentions snap back on him like a rubber band, and he finds he would sooner love her and degrade himself by it, than degrade her. this turns the entire force of Mulder's love for Scully inside out, but doesn't diminish it.

He told himself that she was a traitor. That what he was holding in his arms was false, an illusion. Some illusions are worth any price you pay for them

meanwhile, the traits of 'goodness' and 'rightness' we identify with Scully, the traits Mulder's POV has suggested to us have been false all along, are proven all the more quintessential to her character in the course of the fic.

How could she hold on? Where was that strength coming from, and how could she give it ... How could she look at him as though he was the one she held on for, as though she trusted him, even now, no matter how much hurt he caused --

one other thing i find incredibly important about the way this fic handles itself, is that Mortimer demonstrates distinctly, several times, that Mulder might want to hurt Scully, he might even think he wants to degrade her, but he will not be doing anything if she says no. if he's going to hurt her, he's going to do it by getting into her head and manipulating her into saying yes. under the circumstances (her having gotten into his head dishonestly), his doing this is tit for tat.

so many fics don't recognize the ways that mental coercion and physical coercion function. Jane makes sure to coordinate both so that Scully is always in a position where she has reason to believe that if she does say 'no', she will be listened to. when Mulder is being physically coercive (handcuffing Scully), he is also asking her if she wants him to take the cuffs off. when he begins to walk her towards the bedroom and she breaks away, he doesn't go after her. he's being predatory, no doubt about it, and she picks up on that:

For a second there she felt the way she felt brushing by a murder suspect; somebody you had to be ready to defend yourself against.

but she's picking up on how he's feeling and thinking. his actions towards her are not aggressive. even during one of the most dodgy scenes, when she tells him several times to take his hand off her breast, physically he isn't being aggressive. he is holding still, he isn't advancing; it's a mind fuck, not a physical one.