Story 120: "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" by Jane Mortimer

[wendelah1]

I thought it might be fun to read more "first-time" stories. During last week's discussion of "On a Star-Spangled Night," the subject of Mulder's behavior towards Scully came up. One person even called his actions "predatory." Another member commented that she'd rather read depressing sex stories than fluff. I think "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" fits the bill nicely. This is not my favorite first-time story, but it comes close. It is very hot and very dark, and since Mortimer is such a great writer, for me at least, it was surprisingly convincing.

Warnings: if you think you might need one, pm me, please.

You can read "A Bitter Taste on the Tongue" at Fugues Fiction Archive.

You can also read it via the Wayback Machine here.

Please us know what you think, and leave your suggestions at the nomination post.

Comments

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

...hot, and gorgeous, and complex, and ambiguous, and disturbing, and hot, and...

i love this fic. and i love that i can chase myself around in circles, pondering whether i'm okay with the fact that i love this fic. because it certainly does some skirting of sexual abuse - even once having Scully herself use the word 'abuse' to describe Mulder's treatment of her. it's also one of the few fics that broaches at least five of the six things that BDSM stands for, incorporates them without naming them, in a complex way, and deliberately doesn't use a safety word. it's a high wire act of sexual and interpersonal ethics, and Jane makes it look both precarious for the characters and easy to write.

basically, this fic seems to carve away what many people hold most sacred in the XF universe. Scully's virtue (in every sense) and Mulder's love for her, which comprises a large amount of his integrity, have both been toppled.

but A Bitter Taste doesn't so much strip away all that is 'soft and gentle, clean and honest' about TXF. it seems to, but really it turns all of that virtue and integrity inside out. which i think is a much more complex and ambitious way to explore the possibilities of Mulder and Scully's characters. at first Mulder doesn't just want to hurt Scully, he wants to degrade her, which is what's most frightening (it's the same basic impulse that is behind a great deal of full-fledged, indefensible sexual abuse). Mulder wants to make her outwardly the enemy he thinks she is inwardly, and to have her because he's been had. but through some combination of choice and reflex, his intentions snap back on him like a rubber band, and he finds he would sooner love her and degrade himself by it, than degrade her. this turns the entire force of Mulder's love for Scully inside out, but doesn't diminish it.

He told himself that she was a traitor. That what he was holding in his arms was false, an illusion. Some illusions are worth any price you pay for them

meanwhile, the traits of 'goodness' and 'rightness' we identify with Scully, the traits Mulder's POV has suggested to us have been false all along, are proven all the more quintessential to her character in the course of the fic.

How could she hold on? Where was that strength coming from, and how could she give it ... How could she look at him as though he was the one she held on for, as though she trusted him, even now, no matter how much hurt he caused --

one other thing i find incredibly important about the way this fic handles itself, is that Mortimer demonstrates distinctly, several times, that Mulder might want to hurt Scully, he might even think he wants to degrade her, but he will not be doing anything if she says no. if he's going to hurt her, he's going to do it by getting into her head and manipulating her into saying yes. under the circumstances (her having gotten into his head dishonestly), his doing this is tit for tat.

so many fics don't recognize the ways that mental coercion and physical coercion function. Jane makes sure to coordinate both so that Scully is always in a position where she has reason to believe that if she does say 'no', she will be listened to. when Mulder is being physically coercive (handcuffing Scully), he is also asking her if she wants him to take the cuffs off. when he begins to walk her towards the bedroom and she breaks away, he doesn't go after her. he's being predatory, no doubt about it, and she picks up on that:

For a second there she felt the way she felt brushing by a murder suspect; somebody you had to be ready to defend yourself against.

but she's picking up on how he's feeling and thinking. his actions towards her are not aggressive. even during one of the most dodgy scenes, when she tells him several times to take his hand off her breast, physically he isn't being aggressive. he is holding still, he isn't advancing; it's a mind fuck, not a physical one.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

the one main problem i have towards this fic is actually the way Scully is written in the final scene. i get that it's important for the reader to know that, despite the painful intensity of the experience and the confusion she felt, sex with Mulder was excellent. but Jane also wrote this exchange:

"This is... this isn't fun anymore."

"You noticed that too," he said thickly.

and this:

She had never seen him look that way at anything that wasn't destroying him.

"I'm sorry," she heard herself say again, no longer clear on what she meant.

And saw him flinch.

i feel it isn't being true to how the fic is written that far, for Scully to suddenly be perfectly okay when she wakes up in the morning. whatever was going on between she and Mulder, it was clearly fucked up, regardless of whether it was the most mind-blowing sex of her life. her not realizing that just doesn't seem to connect with the scully from the rest of the fic, or my idea of scully either. it's as if Mortimer wanted scully to be oblivious so as to heighten the impact of mulder's renewed repudiation. but i really think it would have had plenty of impact anyway.

[sixpences.livejournal.com]

I can't really make a better comment on this fic than what amyhit has already said, so yeah, that^. It is both gorgeously written and thoroughly disturbing.

I did find, however, that my suspension of disbelief wavered a bit around Mulder being so thoroughly convinced that Scully was actually his enemy. It was a very wise decision on the author's part to leave this part mostly up to our imaginations, but I do struggle to think of anything that would make him completely lose his trust in her the way he has here- something that would make him doubt her, okay, but this scenario is just so extreme that it was a little hard to swallow.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

this is a great point, and i absolutely agree. i swallowed the premise, but only because i wanted to see where this fic was taking me. and yeah, the fact that i wanted to follow this fic to The Dark Place is a testament to how good the writing is, but umtimately there was still a big part of my brain hanging back, going, "wait now, hold on a minute? Mulder, what proof do you actually have? and wouldn't you be thinking you were being played by the guys who are making you think scully's playing you, rather than played by scully herself?" Mortimer does try to power through that train of thought with this fairly blunt statement:

If he hadn’t seen the evidence for himself, if he hadn’t heard it, he never would have believed it.

and it does help me to suspend my disbelief quite a bit, but i didn't feel like it was nearly enough. then again, i think part of what makes Jane's fic so well written is that she seems to have recognized that if her readers are were going to buy this premise it was going to be because they had too little information and she was making them feel like they had too much - not the other way around (we're much like Mulder himself, in that way - and in a lot of ways - during the reading of this fic).

also, i keep having to remind myself that this fic was written before S3 had even began - at least i think that's what the A/N imply. the level of untouchability and, well, virtue that was later built up aroud mulder and scully and their relationship had only begun to be established at that point, so suggesting something like this about them was probably a much different undertaking.

[wendelah1]

I did find, however, that my suspension of disbelief wavered a bit around Mulder being so thoroughly convinced that Scully was actually his enemy. It was a very wise decision on the author's part to leave this part mostly up to our imaginations, but I do struggle to think of anything that would make him completely lose his trust in her the way he has here- something that would make him doubt her, okay, but this scenario is just so extreme that it was a little hard to swallow.

I think if you can't accept the basic premise of the story then, well, it isn't going to work for you.

I don't think we are supposed to try to imagine what the evidence was--obviously it was fabricated--we are only supposed to believe that Mulder believed.

What is disturbing to me is that even if he did believe Scully was his enemy, would he then be able to justify his abusive treatment of her, his stated intent to ignore her reservations.

At least for the purpose of this story, Mortimer convinces me he would, just as she convinces me in The Sin Eater that Mulder would sell himself out for the chance of saving Scully's life--in another universe.

In that story, the spiritual redemption is real. In this one, it's an illusion.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

obviously it was fabricated

i'm actually a little confused about this. i would have thought it was fabricated too. except that Mortimer says in her A/N: This fragment also inspired a more coherent view of the same issue -- the story "Betrayal," by Laura Anne Gilman. that's got me wondering. i read Betrayal (didn't care for it, myself) and in Betrayal, Scully actually is working for/with the other side, though to protect Mulder rather than to bring him down. Mortimer's words: "a more coherent view of the same issue" are what have been confusing me a bit. that makes it sound as if maybe Scully really was - in Mortimer's fic - working with the other side in some way, and for whatever reason.

it also sounds, in the A/N, as if this fic was originally a fragment of something that may have been intended for a larger whole. which would explain quite a lot, i think.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

I share the confusions of the previous posters, but my major confusion is: what has happened to Scully? Confronted with the intense, mysterious anger of the man she loves and trusts--that she is *supposed* to trust, if not love--she immediately and willingly becomes a sexual object of seduction. His lips on her neck, his hand on her breast, and she's gone.

Don't get me wrong. This is very sexy, and I'm convinced that Mulder and Scully would enjoy a b&d scenario and, moreover, that Mulder would not actually force Scully. But enjoyment is hardly the issue here. From the moment the hand is on the breast, Mulder is embarked on a test to destruction, an attempt to break and humiliate the partner he thinks (why?) has betrayed him. It reverses itself, as amyhit says, and Scully overpowers his angry lust with the authenticity of her love. And that's touching. But it's also weird. Because I think Scully, authentic Scully, would slap this guy upside the head and demand a clear explanation of his behavior.

The heavy breathing, the foreplay and handcuffs and pre-orgasmic torment is the stuff of smut biscuit. But ABTOTT is not a smut biscuit; it packs some serious psychology. And I simply do not believe that Special Agent Scully, whatever her private longings, would in this situation play sex slave, wake up later and believe that all's right with the world. She would immediately question Mulder's motives. Because the guy is doing a good job of hating on her, and hate sex would not be her first choice of a First Time.

Then maybe, if he explained himself and she told him what an asshole he was, they could mess around.

This is wonderfully written, of course. Hey, Jane Mortimer. But I can't help but think that, in employing the apparatus of porn to reveal a character epiphany, she hasn't quite succeeded at either.

[bachlava.livejournal.com]

This expresses all my thoughts about the fic perfectly. Yes, it's well written on a technical level, and the smut biscuit is a hot one indeed. But the "AU" label is not enough for me to get around some problems of characterization. I'll give credit to the good presentation of their mannerisms and their mental and physical environments, but the roots and the results of their anger at each other strike me as very much off. It's the kind of piece that has me thinking, "This has its good points, but why has the author named her OCs after such widely known TV characters?" Then again, it could just be my ultimate dissatisfaction with the fic colouring my point of view... Bottom line: I suppose I would characterize "On a Star-Spangled Night" as a not-very-good fic that I guiltily enjoyed reading, "Bitter Taste" is a good-on-a-formal-level fic that I really don't like.

[wendelah1]

Because I think Scully, authentic Scully, would slap this guy upside the head and demand a clear explanation of his behavior.

So you are saying her Scully is out of character or unconvincingly written or just not your Scully? There are a lot of Scullys out there in fanfiction land.

And I simply do not believe that Special Agent Scully, whatever her private longings, would in this situation play sex slave wake up later and believe that all's right with the world.

But I know you don't think this is a bondage scenario? There was no agreement as to ground rules, no negotiation, no safe word. This was not play, safe or otherwise. To the contrary, I think Mulder had every intention of forcing her. He says so himself.

So she was afraid. So what? It was nothing to do with him. Let her take care of herself.

She had reservations. She could get over them. He certainly had no intention of respecting them.

That seems like a CRYSTAL CLEAR STATEMENT TO ME.

Yes, he is angry and wants to destroy her but no, her obvious love for him doesn't redeem anything, because he doesn't believe it. We believe in her. We can see into her head through the magic of third person pov. He willingly sets aside his anger and his despair for the illusion, for the temporary cessation of pain that sexual union gives him. He uses her, like a drug, like heroin or cocaine to dull his pain.

Sexual arousal in this story is a drug. Mulder uses it to subdue his normally feisty partner. The handcuffs are just for show. It's his kisses, his touch, even his presence that pulls her under. Yeah, maybe "Authentic Scully" is a little too in her head, a little too controlled to fall for this kind of a seduction. But this is a season two Scully, the Scully who was abducted not that long ago, and experimented on, who was called back from near death by her partner's presence and voice, who fell apart in his arms after being beaten up by Donnie Pfaster. She is much more emotionally vulnerable than I think you give her credit for. This is the Scully who is willing to sacrifice herself for Mulder. Not my personal fav, but as has been pointed out to me in other places, it is a valid interpretation of her character.

Why did she wake up feeling all blissed out? Great sex, sure but my take is dissolution of the ego. It makes you feel great, maybe for weeks, assuming nothing happens to make you come down.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

To the contrary, I think Mulder had every intention of forcing her. He says so himself.

actually, i find those statements to be the farthest thing from crystal clear, though they do seem it at first. the thing is, the quote that immediately preceeds your quote, Wen, is

He felt an immediate stirring of sympathy, and suppressed it. So she was afraid -- she'd been afraid from the beginning, for whatever reason. Maybe it was something in herself. Or maybe they'd told her not to get involved, and she was breaking their rules. Or maybe they'd told her to go along with him, and she wasn't ready. That could have been what brought her back so quickly; a phone call, and orders.

So she was afraid. So what? It was nothing to do with him. Let her take care of herself.

to me, this does not imply that he is going to force her, but that he doesn't think she'll try to stop him. and that he is suppressing the scruples that are telling him to be sensitive to her thoughts and feelings. Mulder sees that physically she is very receptive to him, and that mentally she doesn't seem to know what to do. maybe she has orders to have sex with him and she doesn't want to, he thinks. naturally mulder has strong reservations about pushing Scully - the Scully he thought he knew - to do anything she doesn't want to do (he feels 'an immediate stirring of sympathy'). but if she's there, physically willing to go through the motions, then as his enemy (which he's trying to convince himself she is) what does it matter to him if it's something she actually wants?

and i'm not saying i'm comfortable with that chain of logic. but i don't see it as rape, or the willingness to commit rape. as i read it, when mulder thinks that he 'has no intention of respecting her reservations', he's not thinking he won't heed to her if she decidedly says No. No is not a reservation, No is a decision. he's thinking that whatever has her so confused as to what to do in this situation - whatever rock and hard place she's up against (pun noted) - he's no longer under any obligation to give a damn.

This was not play, safe or otherwise.

now that I agree with.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

Referring back to my mantra ("it's only out of character when you don't like it") I admit that I don't like this Scully. Rather, I can't believe in her instant acquiescence to the drug of sex. She'd accept Mulder's sinister sexual promise about as fast as she'd accept a line of cocaine.

My choice of the word "play" was careless; this is not a b&d game. It is actual bondage and domination, and very earnest. Though, like amyhit, I think sincere pushback would have put an end to it. It's just that Mulder is confident in his own power to dominate.

W, your reminder of vulnerable, second-season Scully made me think. I imagine you could work up a floatable theory that M & S are recreating Scully's state of utter helplessness at the hands of her abductors. That she survives her bondage and is rewarded with an orgasm should be therapeutic. Mulder being a psychological social worker: not hardly. He's caught up in his own hostile craziness, and there's no intimation that he cares how she feels, except to wonder at her acting skills. Even if Scully is unconsciously returning to the scene of the crimes against her, it's at the hands of someone who, if only temporarily, hates her.

This is personal, of course, but I find it far more likely that Scully pulls herself out of that apartment and keeps going. Mulder is scary. And at some point she's going to demand he explain himself. Otherwise the partnership is over.

It really would have been nice to know why. It's as though Mortimer is saying "Work with me here. I'm trying an experiment." *That's* the game.

[wendelah1]

W, your reminder of vulnerable, second-season Scully made me think.

I was just trying to defend the writer's decision to write the story she wanted to write. From my pov, within the story's universe, everything that happens is plausible. It must be the writing that is the problem, because many of the people commenting here have had no problem accepting a more passive version of Scully in other stories. This is a Scully who submits because he tells her that's what he needs from her. It's a lie, or a half-truth at best but she believes him.

She doesn't instantly acquiesce. She leaves the room, drives around the block and comes back. It's not until he speaks the magic words that she finally gives herself permission to capitulate.

"You don't want the weather? You don't want politics? Oh, I see. You don't want general information. You want to help me."

His fingers circled her breast lazily, out of sync with his voice. "Yes. I. do." Dammit.

His mouth moved up to her ear. His whisper was low and hoarse. "Then help me. This is what I want. This is what I need."

The tone, the undeniable truth of what he was saying, pounded through the last of her defenses. She couldn't not respond to a need that strong. She had to cling to him to keep from falling down.

She believes him. Maybe she shouldn't, maybe you don't like or believe that she would but I think it is clear that in this story, she does.

As I said to bravenewcentury, if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work. If you think Scully should have walked out of that apartment and not come back until she had had it out with him, well, fine. But that is not the story Mortimer wanted to write. She wanted to write a story about trust and illusion, about the lies others tell us, why we sometimes accept them as truth and what happens when we do.

I imagine you could work up a floatable theory that M & S are recreating Scully's state of utter helplessness at the hands of her abductors. That she survives her bondage and is rewarded with an orgasm should be therapeutic.

I believe someone wrote a parody version of this scenario. *cough*

Mulder doesn't care about what she is feeling, except in brief flashes of conscience, at any point during the story, does he? He sets out to hurt her, and I think by the end we can all see he has succeeded. There is nothing redemptive going on here except as illusion.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

I guess you're right: I just can't believe that Scully would believe his lie. After all that bullying sarcasm, "This is what I want. This is what I need."

Please.

I don't think I've ever enjoyed a passive Scully. That power balance thing again--it's what made their relationship magical.

[wendelah1]

True confession time: what I enjoy (and am turned on by) in this story is the emotional pain, this specific brand of emotional pain in particular. I'm going to try to describe it at length at some point because I think that painful stimulus is what she was trying to generate.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

Why don't you present a wide array of First Time fanfics, the better to stimulate a wide array of idiocentric fans? Should be interesting.

[estella-c.livejournal.com]

I think I meant "idiosyncratic" above. "Idiocentric" isn't even a word. Sheesh.

Well, I think it should be. My story, sticking with it.

[wendelah1]

I think I meant "idiosyncratic" above. "Idiocentric" isn't even a word.

You had me fooled.

[bmerb.livejournal.com]

I'll bite. Please expand on the emotional pain?